9-11-01 No answers here, only more questions
Here is another day that we will all remember by recalling where we were when the events unfolded. I was conducting an intensive outpatient group at the substance abuse treatment program that has become my life’s work. From nine to twelve that day, I helped others wrestle with the problems that would soon be placed in stark perspective by the terrorist destruction of the day.
When the group concluded, my coworkers had me listen to the radio in the front office. I had the same reaction that millions of others had, disbelief and the sense that this was unreal, perhaps a cruel hoax or a radio show or something, anything, but not real. Not seeing it until later only served to add to the surreal quality of it.
I went on to other sessions in the afternoon and, at 6:00 pm that day, conducted an hour and a half long domestic abuse perpetrator group. These guys (and gals) always, always, deny responsibility for their acts and always place the blame for their poor behavior on others.
You all know the rest of the story of this tragedy. I just felt numb for a couple of days, then one morning I read the story of Thomas Burnett and Jeremy Glick on flight 93 that crashed in the remote area of Pennsylvania. These guys, and others, called home, learned what was happening and, apparently attacked their attackers and caused their own deaths so that the terrorists would fail and many others would not have to die. I just cried and cried when I realized what their experience was that morning.
Imagine: You wake up, shower, brush your teeth, pack your bags, kiss the wife and go to the airport. Board the plane, settle in, and, as the plane takes off there is the familiar disbelief that something this huge and heavy can even get off the ground. A few minutes into the flight, several guys pull knives, herd you to the back of the plane along with the flight crew and turn the plane around. Oh God, you think, why me, why now, there is so much that I have left to do, what do they want, where are we going, am I going to die? And it is only 9:00 in the morning.
You call home and you and others learn what these guys are up to. They are one of several suicide teams and are very likely going to crash this plane into an occupied building somewhere. In the space of a few minutes, you all conclude that, not only are you going to miss your meeting in LA, but you are going to die before lunch. Before your daughter grows up. Before you ever kiss your sweet wife’s lips again. Before the sun sets on this day. Damn. You look at your watch and only an hour and a half ago, you were still at home.
Well, to hell with it, you decide as a group. You rush the bastards and overpower them. But the pilot is on to you and your stomach turns as you feel the plane take a sharp downturn and pick up speed. Oh no, oh man, oh no, oh n…
I am trained to encourage people to look to themselves rather than blaming others for problems, because only when we accept personal responsibility for our own choices are we able to grow and change. As long as we are addicted to blame, we remain unchanged and unchangeable.
So I asked myself if there was some way that we as Americans could share some of the responsibility for this insanity. I know that nothing would ever justify such evil monstrosity. I know that. But my heart keeps asking, “What would Martin Luther King, Jr. do. What would Mahatma Gandhi do? What would Lao Tzu or Mohammad or Jesus have us to do at this time in history? They confronted great evil in their times and prevailed.
I don’t know how to love men who would commandeer planes full of innocent men and women and children and babies, and fly them directly into thousands more innocent people. I don’t know how to confront such hatred with non-violence without inviting further insanity. We don’t know how yet. But we have learned that violence only creates more violence and hatred creates only more hatred. I share my brother’s hope that one day, we humans as a species will learn how to love like that.
It is September 23, 2001 now and I have had another birthday, another anniversary and the flags are at full staff again in America. My girls and I went to see a silly fairy tale at the movies this afternoon and, for a time I almost forgot. The story was the tale of a princess rescued by her prince and defeating enemies along the way to living happily ever after. It’s a story we as a species have always told, will always tell.
During the movie, I remembered the destruction and hurt and fear and confusion and an analogy from a Neil Young song started running through my head… And I realized that somewhere in our world a man is telling his son about the evil in the world and how it is their duty to stand up to it, to be the voice of reasoned good in the face of evil. This too is a story we as a species have always told.
But in this version, the man lives in the Middle East and I am the evil of which he speaks.
Dave Seward
September 2001
“My life is changing in so many ways
I don’t know who to trust anymore
There’s a shadow running through my days
like a beggar going from door to door”
Neil Young - A Man Needs A Maid
Some of the final words of the heroes of United Flight 93. "I know we're all going to die. There are three of us who are going to do something about it. I love you, honey." - Thomas Burnett, Jr. told his wife over the phone from United Flight 93 "Everyone's running to first class. I've got to go. Bye." - Sandy Bradshaw United Flight Attendant Final words to her husband whom she had called and explained that she had slipped into a galley and was filling pitchers with boiling water "Are you guys ready? Let's roll" - Todd Beamer Open line to operator from United Flight 93
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